December 2011
46 posts
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fell asleep watching “murder in the hamptons” and slept like a post-operative on a morphine drip. woke up to someone i live with on the couch, still watching a lifetime movie where actress alexandra paul, before shoving her assailant over the banister yelled, “i feel sorry for your daughter; not only does she suck at soccer but she can’t cook!”
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3.5 hours of sleep and i’m doing remarkably well. this also means that tonight when i do fall into a deep sleep, it’s going to be an ugly, legs splayed, blanket half on and off, pillows everywhere, snoring like 55 year old obese trucker kind of situation.
i’m pretty like that.
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ancora-imparo asked: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Is it wrong that despite being SUPER in love with my new chair that I sorta kinda wish I could have the hula option installed just to fuck with people who visit?
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Haven’t really slept. The mind’s been turning and turning and I ended up taking the time to write a scathing letter that I’ll never send. It’s way too early in the morning to be introspective and emotional. Big flipping sigh. I also haven’t had a proper hug since April. That’s pretty pathetic.
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reblogs of my electric slide audio post from way back? oh, i soooo approve.
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It’s basically about getting together and generally getting on because you have to, right?
8 year old godson’s reaction upon opening the DVDs (Wizard of Oz, Peter Pan, Where the Wild Things Are, ET) I got him this year:
“You could have done better. I was expecting Nintendo DS games.”
… As I sat there with the 5 dollar tube of peppermint foot scrub from his...
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351 am. finished wrapping my last present. christmas lunch in 8 hours. living on the edge! woo! merry christmas everyone!
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playing chauffeur isn’t fun anymore. not that it was particularly fun to begin with but it’s doing even less for my patience when my passenger won’t quit with the lectures on how to brake properly so as to extend the longevity of my breakpads and you-know-that-squeaking-noise-(that’s probably due to all the random shit in the...
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Had a dream that I ran into my ex and his gf in a mall elevator and ended up slapping him numerous times while he was eating an ice cream cone and giving me massive stink eye. Felt good.
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so it’s weird that it took her 3 months to let us know that her husband (my dad’s cousin) died, right? cuz i’m sitting here with a FORM letter about a death— 3 months after the fact— and going, wtf.
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a north korean dictator passes away and suddenly rumors are flying that bon jovi died. is it possible that people really are that daft that they mistook a short, evil asian man with questionable fashion choices for an italian-american rockstar from jersey? oh, i hope so because that’s a funny story.
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just ordered a book about elizabeth bathory. you know, for some light-hearted holiday season reading.
author’s dedication: “for the girls…”
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1. it’s ok to say “no.” say it with conviction. “NO.” no apologies pre or post delivery. it’s a magical word, really.
2. sometimes, you have to tell a person to their face that they’re being an asshole. and it’s not about being nasty but about being honest because some people need to hear it and their parents did them a huge disservice and never got...
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bought myself an early christmas present in the form of a memory foam mattress topper. my ass has never before been so cradled. holy amazeballs. i’m in love.
walked into a pet store today expecting to be overcome by the scent of kitty litter, fur and poo but instead the air smelled like toasted coconuts. i had to take a moment because how they got poo to smell like toasted coconuts is just plain genius.
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it’s that wonderful feeling of not getting out of bed before noon, then kind of rolling yourself off the mattress and onto the floor in a not-so-graceful way but who cares because it’s sunday.
also, my brunch date has been pushed back to 4pm. it’s not early dinner because homegirl really wants tea and scones. my appetite is confused by this but again, who cares BECAUSE...
literally haven’t spoken a word to anyone today. feel like i’ve taken a vow of silence. amazeballs.
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Half a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake down the gullet. Needed that after driving around hypercritical-about-my-driving crotchety old people at midnight whilst trying to not run over drunk jaywalkers. Turningthisfrownupsidedownwithfullfatcream.com
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according to the doctor, i have what’s called a ganglion cyst on my wrist. “nothing to worry about,” he says except that you know, it’s called a ganglion cyst and it’s just chillaxing on my wrist like a colony of ants decided to set up shop.
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i love you, but…
after more than a couple of mishaps with victoria’s secret bra underwires, i quit that shit. the gap’s got some lacy things on sale and laverne and shirley are very pleased. i highly recommend them.
frustrations channeled into eyebrow plucking with a newly discovered magnifying mirror. rawr.
a little update. judge away, i’m an emotional wreck.
so the unanswered texts and phone calls (2) over the last 4 days was to the ex. let me explain:
i spoke to him last in september to let him know that my dad was sick. i really needed someone to speak with and lately, there’s been a shortage of friends. i blame this on myself because i was that awful cow that stopped...
@ancora-imparo
slaps all around :)
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there really is no other way to say it that won’t set eyes rolling or more than half of you laughing because it sounds so ridiculous:
i am a woman and i have so many emotions. i mean, really. i finally got a reply text as per that last post and ended up sitting on my bed, crying out because the relief was so fucking grand.
i think i feel too much. someone slap me.
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i don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a response to a phone call and numerous text messages asking all the same thing, “are you ok?” i even resorted to a message that said, “i’m losing sleep over this. you don’t need to call me but just text back that you’re ok and i’ll stop calling if that’s what you want.” nothing back. cause...
my mother’s best friend called to say that her daughter-in-law is knocked up again. as it goes with tidings such as these, i got the stink-eye. you know what i mean. it’s that look of, “what the hell are you doing with yourself that you don’t bring forth a grandchild from your womb?!” that one. looooooovely.
cake for lunch?
you bet your ass.
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